Spring's a Comin'!

Well folks spring has finally sprung in Michigan! It has been a long hard winter for us folks in the north country, but warmer days and sunshine are on the horizon! Before you know it we will be only shoveling every other day, instead of everyday. Temperatures will rise from 10 degrees to a sultry 30 degrees. And parkas? Put them away and don your 3-in-1 ski jackets (you know a mild morning in March can end in a 4pm blizzard). In celebration of the spring season I have decided to remove one bag of salt (of the 200lbs) from the back of my truck. Yes, I am a hopeless optimist. Of course I used the bag I removed to salt my driveway in preparation for the impending ice storm.

Winter Scene in West Michigan

Sunny spring day in West Michigan

As I am writing this, we are experiencing a lovely ice/sleet mix. I can just about see some brightness in the sky where the sun was in August last year. Wow! It's time to get some new shades! My eyes are not used to this!

Typical "Michigan Eyes"

Cemetery Gardens

The United States of America is going to be facing a new challenge in the coming years. A rapidly increasing population, and dwindling farm land will cause a shift in how Americans get their food. In 1980, polls show that 90% of Americans were buying meat and produce grown in the US. By 2007, polls show that only 67% of the food bought in the US was grown and produced here.

Dr. David L'Beaudoux, of New Orleans University School of Agriculture, reports that the main reason for this shift is our [US] population explosion. Growing population means more need for housing, more need for shopping centers, and more need for landfills. With the expansion of sub-urban areas, traditionally agricultural areas are being overrun by McDonald's, Walmarts, and sub-divisions.

Dr. David L'Beaudoux

Dr. L'Beaudoux states that there will not be enough farmland to support the US population by 2015. Increasing acreage is being transformed into corn and soybean production. Most of the crops grown in these operations are not fit for human consumption, but used for ethanol and food additive production. When asked what the answer to this dilemma was, Dr. L'Beaudoux pointed us in the direction of "fringe" agro-scientist, Luke Hammond.

Luke Hammond on his moisture farm.

Luke Hammond has expertise in harvesting water vapor from the atmosphere and using it to grow crops in underground hydroponic labs. He proposes that the US start utilizing the vast open areas in and around urban areas used to house postmortem individuals. Yes folks, that's right, Luke Hammond proposes that we start using graveyards to grow food. Hammond has already convinced the people of Versailles, Illinois, to do so.

Saint Marks Cathedral Cemetery/Garden in Versailles, IL

While the majority of people in the US would be horrified to find that their iceberg lettuce was grown atop Great Uncle Eddie, most admit they would be more concerned that food was being imported from "them foreigners." Dr. L'Beaudoux and Hammond, are planing on meeting with the Wayne County (Detroit, MI) board of commissioners next month for similar plans. Hammond believes that with Detroit being the murder capital of the US, they're bound to have hundreds of acres of available farmland.

Chinese Demon Spirit Captured

Authorities in Chin-Jiung Province, China, believe they have found the demon spirit Xiu-Liuong. Chinese historians report ancient texts say that around 1300BC Xiu-Liuong was a warrior that raided rural villages, stealing livestock and produce. It is said that Xiu-Liuong used the animals and produce to create giant pans of fried rice for superior demon spirits.

Above: Fried Rice

Probably the most interesting piece of the ancient tale is the belief that Xiu-Liuong was actually a young girl. As far as demon spirits in Chinese mythology go, most are adult males, or siren like adult females. Apparently this is not so for Xiu-Liuong. She is commonly depicted in paintings as a young female with dragon wings growing from her face. Legend has it that Xiu-Liuong would lie along the roadside near night fall and wait for village women to pass by. When Xiu-Liuong saw a motherly looking woman she would begin to weep and proceed to tell the woman that she was an orphan. More often than not these women would take Xiu-Liuong into their homes. At night while the families slept is when Xiu-Liuong would strike.
Above: Chinese crowd gathers to attack Xiu-Liuong

Xiu-Liuong was found working in a noodle restaurant in a old part of the city. After she was positively identified word spread quickly and many in the city gathered to kill her. Police in riot gear arrived before Xiu-Liuong could be apprehended. Chinese authorities report that they want to keep Xiu-Liuong alive long enough to find the secret to her powers. They will try to replicate her powers in order to take over the world, then they will kill her.

Above: Xiu-Liuong behind bars

Trouble on the Border

In the last several years the discussion on Mexicans illegally entering the United States has definitely amplified. Many living on the US/Mexico border feel that the rest of the country does not understand the true issues at hand. Many complain of the crime that immigrants bring with them. Others believe that they are a strain on our already unsteady economy. Another big concern by many is the fear that immigrants take jobs away from US citizens.

One of the most outspoken on the matter is Benji Hamilton; of West Auburn, Texas. He states that many of his friends and neighbors have lost their jobs or not even been considered for positions due to the flood of immigrants into the country from Mexico. Benji states, "I am fortunate to have a very comfortable position at the Hamilton home. Many of my friends are not as lucky. Some have even been forced to live on the street and live out of dumpsters."

Above: Benji Hamilton, Below: Some of Benji's friends

Benji reports that in his town alone, there are upwards of 20 arrests per week involving illegal immigrants. He reports that his town has gone from a "nice, quiet place" to a ghetto in only a few years. One of the major concerns with the illegals is gang and drug related violence.

An illegal immigrant dressed in gang "colors"

While many Americans on the Left and the Right feel that they have the answers, one thing is sure, this problem is not going to go away anytime soon. The chihuahua has been recorded as entering the US as early as 1904. Many chihuahuas on both sides of the boarder claim that the lands of the southern US have been stolen away from them, and that the [US] government has no right to tell them that they can't be here. President Obama was asked to comment, however, the aid that we reached laughed and hung up.

Illegal immigrants fighting in the streets

Mexican street gang in La Huaraville, New Mexico