Really horrible coffee, or not so bad shit...

To what lengths will one go for the want of caffeine? Ok, I'll admit, I have partaken in the evil which is known as Starbucks. I am sorry every time I go too. Starbucks coffee tastes like burnt shit. Seriously, I think they try to fool people by burning the shit out of it then brewing it so people think that it's just "good strong coffee."

What you get when you buy a single cappuccino at Starbucks.

I have worked in several coffee shops and consider myself sort of a connoisseur of fine coffee. I love a strong cup of jo just as much as the next blog nerd. But Starbucks just tastes plain BURNT! So, being the compassionate, caring human being that I am, decided to take it upon myself to find out once and for all what the f*ck Starbucks does to make their coffee taste so incredibly bad.

I went straight to the source. Deep in the rain forests of the Amazon delta I found a member of the Inbineri tribe and asked him where the nearest Starbucks was. On the next block there it was; I should have known, I could smell burning rubber a mile away. I order a small cup of regular brewed coffee and took it to my good friend Emil DeParte's laboratory in Porto Velho.

"Go down right down Main Street and hang a left."

Emil ran several tests. Two days later he called me and gave me the results. To my absolute horror, Emil told me that Starbucks coffee is actually burnt goat shit. Holy f*ck! I mean I love goats, but I sure as hell am not going to drink something brewed from their excrement. Hmmm, mystery solved. Well, there you have it. When someone says, "damn this Starbucks coffee tastes like shit!" You can say, "my friend that's because it is shit."

Which one is Starbucks "coffee" and which one is real coffee?