Church Teaches Youth to Shoot

A story has come out of south east Tennessee today surrounding the issue of conceal and carry weapons in the US. Children in a SE Tenn. church are being taught at an early age, some as young as 3, to carry and shoot guns. The pastor of the United Church of Proud Patriotic Christians (UCPPC), William Robert E. Lee, reports that it is his duty as a preacher of the gospel, to teach children to fire automatic assault rifles.
Above: Reverend William Robert E. Lee

"I wouldn't be doin' my job proper if'n I didn' teach them youngin's to shoot a feller." Parents are very excited about this new Sunday school program. One father, Bobby Beaudeoux, says that this has allowed him time to do other things on Sundays besides teaching his daughters the difference between a radical Muslim and a socialist hippie traitor. "Sometime I have a hard time tellin' the difference myself," says Beaudeoux, "all them unAmerican types looks the same to me. My position is shoot first and, ah, and ask questions, ah, then bury the *other*ucker."

Above: 3 girls enrolled in Jesus' Gun Club at UCPPC

Another parent, mother of ten, Shandra Sue Levinsworth, says that she "ain't got no time to be foolin' with no kids." Levinsworth is a single mother and reports that this program has allowed her more time to locate the eleven fathers of her ten children in the hopes of receiving child support. "It's kinda nice knowin' that little Eddy [age 4] can shoot the eye out a crow at a hunerd yards, could come in mighty handy when the homosexual liberals come ta take our land away."

Above: Homosexuals

The National Shotgun Association (NSA) has declined to comment on this Sunday school program. In an unformal meeting over 12 Pabst Blue Ribbons, President Willy B. Shootin, revealed "I dern told that fool [William Robert E. Lee] some folks might not look kindly on this here program."

So far, local law officials have turned a blind eye to the program. Sheriff Joe Jack Jackson, said "It ain't our'n job ta go follerin' everbody 'round that gets the notion to teach toddlers to shoot AK-47's. If it were my job, I'd never have time ta go a fishin', that ain't no kinda way to live." Deputy Thomas Collins said "you tell them big city types where ta stick it boss!"

So far, none of our reporters have been allowed to join a service or shooting lesson at the church. We were told that we "weren't the type we's allow at this here church!" We have the sneaking suspicion that this may be due to the fact that most of our reporters are made up of big city types, homosexuals, and socialist hippie traitors.

Above: Socialist Hippie Traitor