Grand Rapids - Night Life or Low Life

Have you noticed as I have, that GR has an overwhelming amount of drinking establishments? You've been there, you're driving home with the kids from visiting the Grandparents, you're driving through the stretch of Fulton between Division and Market, and you see hundreds of drunk yuppies? And then the questions come "Daddy, why is that girl peeing behind that dumpster?", "Mommy, why is that preppy guy puking in his Abercrombie & Fitch pre-worn out hat?", "Daddy, why is that girl wearing American Eagle jeans that you can see her Victoria's Secret thongs hanging out?"

I did a little research and found that there are at least 175 bars in the Grand Rapids area. Why do we need so many bars? I don't think that I am alone when I say that I am sick and tired of seeing all the yuppies staggering down Fulton on Friday and Saturday nights. It's not that I am jealous because I have to go home and put my kids to bed; it's just that it makes me wonder about the future of our society that so much money, effort, and time is spent on people forgetting all the crap that is wrong with their lives. I think that if people spent as much time working together on fixing our society as they did trying to forget their problems (i.e. TV, video games, music, computers, alcohol, just to name a few) that our country would be a lot better off. Ok just a minute, let me get down off my soapbox now. All I'm saying is what happened to people just getting together to talk, hang-out, and socialize? Have you tried to have conversations in a bar lately? I'm not saying that we need to be serious all the time (Lord knows I'm not saying that), I'm just saying that I don't like all the yuppie bars in GR. However, if they were all gone, I sure would miss this:

Here's the story, of an ugly lady, the likes to drink vodka and bump and grind with middle school students. Kylene Nelson AKA "Crazy Legs Nelson," is a teacher at a middle school in Florida. This woman has a history of drinking on school grounds. Well on the most recent occasion Crazy Leg's Nelson, according to students, was drunk during class, playing loud music, "bumping and grinding" against students, and most shockingly showing her bare ass to the kids. Students also report that she told them that if they didn't dance with her she would fail them. One of the students had the courage to risk their camera phone and video tape this debacle. He is seen in this photo.

Charlie Lancet is still in the Intensive Care Unit of Sister's of Mercy Medical Center in Pascaluosa, Fl. Several other students were flown to the hospital and released after being treated for "flu like" symptoms (i.e. puking their freakin brains out!). Crazy Legs Nelson is being treated in a nearby mental facility. Students are still stunned and occasionally vomit when questioned by reporters. Charlie Lancet (photo above) told reporters that he wouldn't have minded it (all the bumping and grinding) if she were hot. Charlie reports that Crazy Legs Nelson is not hot, she looks as foul as she smells. The following is a link to the story as reported by the Detroit Free Press.

http://www.freep.com/article/20090324/NEWS07/90324023?imw=Y

NEWS FLASH! Kid Rock is a No Talent Hack!

A story released from the Detroit Independent News this week confirms 99.99% of America's suspicion that Kid Rock sucks. A study was conducted at the Grand Rapids Community College Institute of What Sucks (GRCCIWS) recently. The GRCCIWS reported to the Detroit Independent News that they analyzed each of Kid Rock's songs and found that they are actually all recycled from older songs and that they each really suck. Kid Rock recently appeared on the 700 Club to defend his coolness. Kid Rock states "I don't suck, actually I'm pretty darn cool, I think." Stories have been coming out steadily since the release of Kid Rock's "All Summer Long" that every time Kid Rock performs the "song" that Ronnie Van Zant (original lead singer for Lynard Skynard" rises from his grave and shoots himself in the head. Although Kid Rock has not formally apologized to the Van Zant family, a spokesman for Kid Rock reportedly spoke with the family on the matter. I tried to reach Kid Rock for comment yesterday. His manager told me that "The Kid was really busy out being totally RAD, and that he would pass on the message." As of 9:42pm, March 18, 2009, I have not heard from "The Kid." I guess being totally RAD takes up a lot of time.

This story was written while enjoying the fresh taste of Spartan Brand "fresh pack whole kosher baby dills"

BLOG-A-LOG

BLOG-A-LOG is a new game by JasBro. This game has people blogging everytime they have a bowel movement. Is it distasteful? Yes. Is it funny? You better believe it. Here is an entry by +"eRica"+

"Today I took the most interesting poopie! It was really stinky! It was shiny and long and even had a little tale like a donkey. My boyfriend puked and broke up with me after he saw me putting this on my BLOG-A-LOG! Thanks JasBro!"