President Ali Mumbuto has provocted the U.N. and U.S. to near war with recent actions. Mumbuto, during a press conference, stood up, exposed his buttocks, and passed gas in the camera. Mumbuto reports that this is his response to recent U.N. and U.S. sanctions against The Peoples Republic of Guanico in the delta region of south central Africa.

Army General McCulliham says that the U.S. cannot stand idoly by while Mumbuto throws such blows. He states "His [Mumbuto] actions are a blatent threat to the democracy which the U.N. and U.S. has worked so hard to force on the rest of the world."

Yesterday in a press briefing, U.N. Secretary Cafe con Leche said, "if the Mumbuto administration does not appologize for this affront, we [U.N. and U.S.] may be forced into military action. U.S. President Obama has denied to comment on Mumbuto's actions. There is speculation that Mumbuto may be Obama's thrid cousin twice removed.

Hairless Beavers

Wildlife researchers have been reporting increasing numbers of hairless beavers. According to Big Wood Park Ranger Phil McCracken, numbers of these anomalies have reached historic levels in the last two decades. Ranger McCracken reports, "I never used to see beavers without hair in the 1970's and early 1980's. Now almost every beaver I see lately is bald as a newborn babe."

There is growing concern in wildlife protection circles that there may be a type of beaver Alopecia effecting American populations. Alopecia is usually considered a human disease where the hair is lost on part or all of the body. Strangely enough researchers state that in Europe and the Middle East there have been no reports of the hairless beavers. Franco Bigomuffo of the Italian Forest Administration says, "our a beavers they have a big bushy hairs on them. Man you a never see so much hair on a beaver as the Italian beaver."

North American researchers are working on determining how the beaver population and mating habits have been effected by the beaver Alopecia. Dr. Johnson of Colorado State Univ. reports that "amazingly enough, it seems like the beavers with less hair get more attention from potential mates." Right now most researchers are not alarmed as they view the bald beavers as "kinda cute." Watch "You Should Totally Do It" for more developments on this fascinating phenomena.

Italian Beaver (left) American "Bald" Beaver with baby (right)

Just my opinion, but I prefer a beaver with hair. A bald beaver just looks a little weird.